散文翻译:何其芳·《黄昏》

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黄昏

何其芳

马蹄声,孤独又忧郁地自远至近,洒落在沉默的街上如白色的小花朵。我立住。一乘古旧的黑色马车,空无乘人,纡徐地从我身侧走过,疑惑着是载着黄昏,沿途散下它阴暗的影子,遂又自近而远地消失了。

街上愈荒凉,暮色下垂而合闭,柔和地,如从银灰的归翅间坠落一些慵倦于我心上。我傲然,耸耸肩,脚下发出凄异的长叹。

一列整饬的宫墙漫长地立着。是环绕着一些凋残的华丽的古代梦,抑是一些被禁锢的幽灵们的怨叹呢:不少次,我以目光叩问它,它以叩问回答我,

——黄昏的猎人,你寻找着什么?

狂奔的野兽寻找着壮士的刀,美丽的飞鸟寻找着牢笼,青春不羁之心寻找着毒色的眼睛。我呢?

我曾有一些带伤感之黄色的欢乐,如同三月的夜晚的微风飘进我梦里,又飘去了。我醒来,看见第一颗亮着纯洁的爱情的朝露无声地坠地。我又曾有一些寂寞的光阴,在幽暗的窗子下,在长夜的炉火边,我紧闭着门而它们仍然遁逸了。我能忘掉忧郁如同忘掉欢乐一样容易吗?

小山巅的亭子因暝色天空的低垂而更圆,而更高高地耸出林木的葱茏间,从它我得到仰望的惆怅。在渺远的昔日,当我身侧尚有一个亲切的幽静的伴步者,徘徊在这山麓下,曾不经意地约言:选一个有阳光的清晨登上那山巅去。但随后又不经意地废弃了。这沉默的街,自从再没有那温柔的脚步,遂日更荒凉。而我,竟惆怅又怨抑地,让那亭子永远秘藏着未曾发掘的快乐,不敢独自去攀登我甜蜜的想象所萦系的道路了。

Dusk

He Qifang

The sound of horses’ hooves, lonely and melancholy, draws near and scatters on the pitch-black road like tiny white flower-buds. I stand still. A black, old-fashioned carriage, without a soul on board, slowly passes by. I suspect it carries dusk, casting its dark shadow along the road; and then it draws away, and disappears.

The street is even more desolate than before. Twilight descends, gently closing in; as if from silver-grey homing wings it drops a certain lassitude into my heart. Proudly throwing back my shoulders, I heave a long, mournful sigh.

A well-preserved palace wall stretches before me. Does it enclose dreams of ancient, ruined splendour, or the moans of imprisoned spirits: more than once I implored it with my eyes, and it answered my question thus:

– Twilight hunter, what is it that you seek?

The frenzied wild beast seeks the strong man’s knife, the graceful soaring bird seeks a cage, the youthful unfettered heart seeks baneful eyes. And I?

I once had golden joys which deeply moved me, as when the March night air drifted into my dreams and drifted out again. When I awoke, I saw the first dewdrops of love, shining and pure, soundlessly falling to earth. I have also had spells of quiet solitude, under the dark window, before the all-night brazier; I closed the door tightly, yet they still escaped. Can I forget melancholy as easily as joy?

As the darkening sky descends, the pavilion on the small mountain peak stands out rounder and higher above the forest green; from it came the disappointment of my hopes. In the far-off, distant past, when I still had beside me a beloved, quiet companion, we wandered at the foot of this mountain peak, and on a sudden impulse, we made a vow that one fine morning we would climb this mountain. But afterwards, also on an impulse, we abandoned the idea. This pitch-black street, since those soft footsteps are no more, every day seems more desolate, and I, now disappointed and despondent, let the pavilion hoard forever those untasted joys. I dare not climb alone the path which my imagination clothed with such delight.

(Bonnie S. McDougall 译)

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